Thursday, May 19, 2005

BROWNOUT

Dumidikit sa balat
na basa ng malagkit na pawis
ang puting blusa.

Sa kisame naglalaro
ang mga anino
na binigyang buhay
ng matabang kandila.

Kumakaluskos sa banig
ang mga kuting;
ang mga iyak nito
nagbibigay diin
sa di-mapagkatiwalaang katahimikan.

Potters and Parasites

As I was on the bus to Elbi, I was missing home. That was a first. Since my stay in Elbi, I never had homesickness, much less on the bus. I viewed my 'visit' to Elbi as a business visit.

When the familiar fast food chains, stores and shops came to view, I felt weird. As if I were a stranger, I didn't belong. Even familiar faces failed to make me feel at home. Elbi used to be my refuge, what happened?

It seemed as if Elbi has seeped the very blood of my veins, my passions, desires, thoughts, everything. It knows me, I have nothing to hide. I became its nourishment. Elbi feeds from the people who loves it.

And now, I feel I had no more to give. Here, I blend in the crowd, with the people I mingle with. Sometimes, I am amazed how different I am- how I act, think, speak- in different circles. I have let Elbi, its people, create a mold for me that I comfortably fit in. Kinakain na ako ng Los BaƱos. Instead of me owning the place, Elbi has began to own me, control me and at times manipulate me.

Sophia, a character in CSI Vegas said, DNA is what you are, Identity is who you are and it never stops changing. The mold I belong in Elbi seemingly gave me freedom and liberty. But I don't want to conform to the mold anymore because I'm not sure I want to be what Elbi is shaping me to be. I belong to the Potter and I am His clay.