Thursday, September 21, 2006

You can know that a promise is a promise...

Ang sabog ng utak ko these days. I don't do my assignments on time, make lame excuses and skip class for no viable reason. Can it be that I caught 'Senioritis'? Haha =P

I made a very big mistake of taking on more responsibility than I can handle this sem. And now I'm so overwhelmed that I'm stuck in a rut and became a lazy, escapist bum. Someone please knock some sense into me.

The weird thing is - I'm not failing or doing poorly. I'm quite surprised at my high grades in subjects that I take for granted. Maybe I need to fail so it'll bring me back to sanity, hard work and excellence.

Earlier this afternoon, we attended a symposium on call centers. Anna and I agreed that we don't want to be employed in one. That led to a discussion about our future plans after grad and possible careers. And it's scary. For the past few weeks, I've been reading classified ads trying to figure out what life after the university holds for me.

I've had the misfortune of being somewhat undecided and perennially discontented. During my first year, I wanted to shift to Biology and major in Genetics. In my second year, I seriously considered pursuing Education. And surprisingly, I wanted to shift to Management or Economics during my third year - but obviously it was too late, which made the idea quite stupid. This was further triggered by my disillusionment with my degree program and its curriculum.

Yeah, I'm sort of a scatterbrain who only has a vague idea of what she wants and seldom has the courage to pursue it. It doesn't help that I have a wide variety of interests as my weird combination of course options prove.

I do know in what line of work I'll eventually be involved with - I won't reveal to the world just yet since I don't need undue pressure. Only, I can't commit fully to it yet because that would mean giving up a lot of my dreams - studying abroad, go into some kind of business, travel, study forensics and astronomy, learn different skills and hobbies such as photography and film making, win Palanca awards and a lot more. I'm not sure I'm ready to do that. It's scary to trust in an unknown future but weirdly enough, God often works in that kind of environment.

I really don't know what I want. I guess I am too young and a lot of roads are still available. Maybe it's true - youth is wasted on the young. By the time I know what I really really was meant to do in my lifetime, I would be old enough to have regrets about lost time and strength - but wise enough to know that there's no time to lose and tackle it head on.

But I trust God knows what He's doing and I will become what He wants me to be in His time. I know coz He promised =P


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